Goulash of sorts

(Kathleen Team WILD member, fellow pumper, and me at New Years)

Great to see your blogs Kate! I absolutely love that pic of you in the sunset!!! Haha, is there a right time for kids?! AHH, I'm just planning for things and it seems like the birthing thing keeps getting pushed further back. What about 45? Sheesh, and the "pressure" (mainly from me) from my sisters now having kids. My nephew just celebrated his 1st birthday and my sister's wife is about to pop next month. I'm ready, my life isn't. Guess thats the selfishness I'm suppose to lose when having a child. Mark's okay with putting it off for longer than I am. To answer his question: no, having a cactus is not fufilling the need. Anyway, plan is 1-2 years, ha, for now.
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To Team WILD or not to Team WILD? Another thing thats on my mind. With no word of a 2010 DTC, I could cry not having the experience annually. So will Team WILD replace it? The cost is an issue: $350 WILD fee + $250 race fee + $250 bike shipping + $200 flight + 330 (3 night stay) hotel = a lot. I'm not saying its not worth it because I genuinely feel DTC was priceless. Ahhh, don't know. Plus, not to be a debbie downer, but its an inagural race (usually logistical problems) and in Branson, Missouri. Hum... On the upside, I'd train with great gals and get motivation (which I've been lacking), plus have endless support, and the finale the race! Finishing is what its all about. This doesn't help, I'm still torn.
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(Homemade freaking delicious spicy crispy chewy sweet salty walnuts)

16 days into the cleanse, 24 more to go. I must admit, I've cheated but only when out with friends. Here at home, no alcohol, processed food, meat, coffee. Its going okay, I do feel more vibrant and energetic which is surprising considering I gave up my coveted coffee. My Mr. Coffee has never been so frowny. It has made a difference in my blood sugars. This might be one of those confounding variables because I'm not snacking at work (cause there's nothing to eat thats NOT processed) and being more aware of what I eat. Also, I've noticed some differences with non-wheat/gluten foods. So I might do a little test (of the emergency broadcasting system) later to see about some gluten intolerance but I am doing too much right now with food. Anyway, no difference in my weight which is frustrating.
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Lots of changes at work, it seems like everyone is changing shifts, leaving for other departments. And they're cutting down on the techs which means soon there will be none. Everything is going to fall on the nurses. I must say though, this is the easiest job I've had in my life, so there is no room to even flinch a complaint. Not that nursing is easy, its just my hospital. We are rarely filled to capacity and don't see many critical patients. Many days I come home feeling I've been a robot all day. The theme of the day today was abdominal pain. Each one was sent home with discharge instructions "you've got abdominal pain, nothing emergent found, take this medication and if not better in 5-7 days, go to your regular doctor." This is the typical day. Although yesterday I did have a doctor tell me to give a patient a meal when she had significant tongue swelling (she could barily stick it out) because she was anxious and hungry. If we fed her, she wouldn't be so anxious. HAH. Plus how's she going to put the spoon in her mouth?
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Thursday's forcast: Rainy skies with wind, no work, overdue cleaning, much curling under a blanket, needed baking.

Team WILD thoughts...

Since coming back from Thailand, things have finally been clicking for me. I left for winter break feeling overly challenged, stressed, and feeling close to wanting to throw in the towel with teaching. I think I was caught in a rut for awhile but I think I've dug myself out. I've almost finished the two fastest teaching weeks I've experienced in my teaching career and now I'm spending some time reflecting on what is working. I think being in Thailand and away from everything else gave me perspective, perspective that I needed so I could focus on the forest rather than just one tree. I often get caught up in the drama that surrounds education and the past two weeks I think I've put almost all of my energy into my students and what is best for them. I feel like I've been more present during the day, working hard before school, giving my students all I can give them during the day, and then trying my best to disconnect right after school ends. It seems healthy and sustainable and the boundaries I've worked on setting for myself will only help me focus on my health and the other aspects of my life beyond my career.

The thought of joining Team WILD (Women Inspiring Life with Diabetes) has been occupying a lot of my mind this week, partially because Erik's been on a business trip all week and I've had more time to think. For the past few years I've told myself that I either want to run a marathon or compete in a triathlon before we have kids. I could keep pushing this dream of mine back further and further but I also feel like I'd like to think about having kids in the next year or so. I've wondered why I have this athletic goal and whether or not it's just a pipe dream. Is it the image that I like? Is it the idea of being 40 and recalling the days when I was training hard and finally crossed the finish line? Is it the thought of reliving my childhood days of being competitive and working towards an athletic goal? Am I considered this goal as a way to add structure to a fitness routine that has become boring and doesn't challenge me? Is it that I thrive on structure and am wondering if training for a major event would provide even more structure to my life? A few weeks ago I would have answered all of these questions with the answer yes.

I've finally figured it out, I'm interested in joining Team WILD because I have a strong desire to connect with others who understand me. So often I feel that I live in isolation with my diabetes, tackling the day to day challenges by myself with the support of friends and family. When I fall apart because I'm so fed up with it all, they try their best to understand. They do, I know they do, because I see it from Erik all the time. Sometimes they wish they could switch places with me so that I could have a break, so that they could walk the tightrope that diabetes presents, and so I can live a more carefree life. They wish they could switch places but the reality is that they can't - at least not with the current technology we have! I've learned over the years that I can continue to chug along with the challenges diabetes presents as long as I have support of people who understand me. I saw the common ground when I worked at Bearskin Meadow Camp and I saw the same common ground at Diabetes Training Camp this summer. How is it that I can meet diabetics for the first time and feel like I've known them most of my life? It's the understanding that comes from knowing what it's like that brings people together. I want to join Team WILD to have a supportive group of active diabetic women who understand! It's not about the triathlon, it's using the triathlon as a vehicle for something greater!

Happy New Year - Twenty Ten

Happy New Year goal buddies! What is the new year going to bring for you? It's hard to believe it's already 2010! Wasn't it 1999 a few years ago? Time flies when you are having fun!

Ever since I started back in the classroom in October, I find myself blogging less and focusing on fine tuning my diabetes less than I would like. I felt like I had everything dialed in the best that I've ever had it dialed in and feel like the gains that I made this summer are starting to slip away slowly. Is that because I'm slammed with responsibilities at school or is it just life happening? Over the years I've realized that I can't do it all and I certainly can't even attempt to do it all perfect like I would like to! Damn perfectionism, I hate when it gets in my way! One of my New Years resolutions is to jump back on my continued focus with my diabetes control and my other resolution is to enjoy the simple moments of teaching that should be cherished and let the rest of the challenges in the classroom roll off my shoulders. Let 'em roll.

I spent a wonderful two weeks with Erik in Thailand during winter break and spent a lot of time being present during our travels. My mind always drifts back to frustrations at work when I am stressed out but my mind was as present as it could possibly be while in Thailand. It felt awesome to be so present, so spontaneous, and so free! Our trip was a great break from reality and showed me that there is a lot more to life than the comforts of home. I often wonder if a simple life provides more. I've always felt more appreciate of the friendships and people in my life than I do about material goods. The Thai people seemed to have a strong sense of community and belonging that was witnessed wherever we traveled. I'm finding myself having trouble describing our trip to others because there was just something about it that was fairly life changing but I can't point a finger at anything in particular. I've come back to the states with the travel bug and I can't wait for the years of exploration to come!

I'm considering joining Team WILD this spring to focus my efforts on training for a sprint or international distance triathalon. I'm going to kick around the idea for a few more weeks before I decide. I always jump into new situations head over heels and before I know it I get myself into things that are far too time consuming. We'll be skiing for the next 4 months and then once the snow melts I'll be looking for something else...we'll see!

That's all for now!
-Cottonmouth Kate

Happy New Years!

2010 is here!!!


Feeling in a rut lately, I realized I needed goals, motivation, and structure. January 4th I started a "40 day cleanse" thankfully ending the day before Valentines. In a group fashion with my yoga class, I wanted to see if I would feel better or rather "cleaner." The four elements are:
1. no alcohol (ehh, okay, but no longer than 40 days!)
2. no meat (crap, thats not nice)
3. no processed food (this is a gray area/word, can mean many things)
4. no coffee (WHAT?!? Decaf banned too?!?! WHAT!?!)

Coffee thing threw me for a loop, is it really BAD for you? My teacher explained it that the actual coffee itself is harsh on your stomach. No decaf because its still coffee, decaf can actually be full of chemicals because of the processes of how they decaffinate it. So I'm relying on tea, loads of it. Black tea has caffiene in it, so I downed that this AM. Seems to be okay so far but I've got 38 days left.

The processed food can be taken in many ways. To the extreme you can say that eating a banana is processing b/c you're peeling it before eating. Well, here are the rules I'm playing by (that are actually less stringent than the class): less than 4 ingredients in the label, only ingredients I can buy (if I can't buy it at a store, no go, like soy letchin...). Obviously this means mainly fresh food, no store bought condiments (though Mark's excellent at making ketchup, mayo, and salad dressing). My exception is to continue making stuff at home with chicken stock. Hey, if we're going to do this, there's no reason to make the food taste like crap. Its homemade chicken stock, so little processing, even though its derived from animal bones, technically its not meat. Ha, I found a loophole.

Anyway, this is my new goal for 40 days that gives structure to a structure-less girl right now. We'll see if I go mad before 40 days or if it even makes me feel better. Right now its making me use self moderation which is good. Bedtime ready to start day 3.
~Holly