Since coming back from Thailand, things have finally been clicking for me. I left for winter break feeling overly challenged, stressed, and feeling close to wanting to throw in the towel with teaching. I think I was caught in a rut for awhile but I think I've dug myself out. I've almost finished the two fastest teaching weeks I've experienced in my teaching career and now I'm spending some time reflecting on what is working. I think being in Thailand and away from everything else gave me perspective, perspective that I needed so I could focus on the forest rather than just one tree. I often get caught up in the drama that surrounds education and the past two weeks I think I've put almost all of my energy into my students and what is best for them. I feel like I've been more present during the day, working hard before school, giving my students all I can give them during the day, and then trying my best to disconnect right after school ends. It seems healthy and sustainable and the boundaries I've worked on setting for myself will only help me focus on my health and the other aspects of my life beyond my career.
The thought of joining Team WILD (Women Inspiring Life with Diabetes) has been occupying a lot of my mind this week, partially because Erik's been on a business trip all week and I've had more time to think. For the past few years I've told myself that I either want to run a marathon or compete in a triathlon before we have kids. I could keep pushing this dream of mine back further and further but I also feel like I'd like to think about having kids in the next year or so. I've wondered why I have this athletic goal and whether or not it's just a pipe dream. Is it the image that I like? Is it the idea of being 40 and recalling the days when I was training hard and finally crossed the finish line? Is it the thought of reliving my childhood days of being competitive and working towards an athletic goal? Am I considered this goal as a way to add structure to a fitness routine that has become boring and doesn't challenge me? Is it that I thrive on structure and am wondering if training for a major event would provide even more structure to my life? A few weeks ago I would have answered all of these questions with the answer yes.
I've finally figured it out, I'm interested in joining Team WILD because I have a strong desire to connect with others who understand me. So often I feel that I live in isolation with my diabetes, tackling the day to day challenges by myself with the support of friends and family. When I fall apart because I'm so fed up with it all, they try their best to understand. They do, I know they do, because I see it from Erik all the time. Sometimes they wish they could switch places with me so that I could have a break, so that they could walk the tightrope that diabetes presents, and so I can live a more carefree life. They wish they could switch places but the reality is that they can't - at least not with the current technology we have! I've learned over the years that I can continue to chug along with the challenges diabetes presents as long as I have support of people who understand me. I saw the common ground when I worked at Bearskin Meadow Camp and I saw the same common ground at Diabetes Training Camp this summer. How is it that I can meet diabetics for the first time and feel like I've known them most of my life? It's the understanding that comes from knowing what it's like that brings people together. I want to join Team WILD to have a supportive group of active diabetic women who understand! It's not about the triathlon, it's using the triathlon as a vehicle for something greater!
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