Thinking...maybe a little too much

So, I was thinking about everything today. This weekend I watched the Kona Ironman on video and was totally in a transe like mode with the whole coverage. Then I found youtube video of the previous years (what I grew up watching with my dad) but I watched the past two years of Kona...and again was totally mesmorized by the stories. Everyone has their own story and there were many people coming back after catastropic injuries and some who have some disability or challenge to overcome. All to do an Ironman and accomplish the unthinkable to themselves and others. Realizing their greatness got me started thinking. Getting nervous actually. Would I be able to do it like these people did? Am I mentally ready? Has my training put me in a good place? Am I strong enough all around to do this beast? Why do I have such doubt? The odds are so weighted in my favor yet I have this massive doubt? I've trained well, completed each distance of all three sports before, plus followed a training plan consistantly for the past year. When I was getting ready for work I thought to myself, how many people at work know I am doing this beast? I could probably count on one hand. Why is that? First off, I'm not that close with anyone but still only a few know. I thought about how much difficulty I have talking about myself...and therefore, what I am about to accomplish. My family doesn't talk about themselves and people that boast about their lives are seen as arrogant and self-centered, so lesson learned, don't talk about yourself---or your achievements. This is why at DTC this was so weird to have people asking me about my race and what an accomplishment it will be and how inspiring. My whole life, I've downplayed anything I do. Finding such admiration for these athletes on the computer screen yet I'm about to do the same thing, maybe even more challenges to overcome than the ones I'm looking up to. The outpouring of support from DTC, people wanting to track me during the race, people traveling far to cheer me on was a bit overwhelming. To think that people would even be considering taking a flight to support me...that was and still is incredible to me. Not to portray the wrong picture, but my family doesn't understand...my dad ran marathons so he understands a little....but no one from my family made an effort as much as some people I just met at camp. Can I blame them? I try to compare it to me understanding my sister's natural childbirth. Totally not something I can relate to b/c I haven't been through it. I think my family has a hard time understanding why I do triathlons and to be honest they don't see the daily training and issues with diabetes that Mark sees or someone training with diabetes will understand. They see this as "another one of Holly's races." I do race a lot but this one is different. But can I expect them to know that if I don't tell them that. Do I need to be more direct? This one is important, very important. It might be my last long tri for a while and this has been a very important part of my life for many years. I think I need to tell them to care. Be open-er and honest-er.
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Physically ready, mentally improving--finish line getting closer.

Holly